They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

I recently attended a speaking event where Jocko Willink, a retired officer in the U.S. Navy who also served in the Navy SEAL teams, introduced his new book, "Strategy and Tactics: Field Manual." This book discusses how to lead in any environment and at this event, he told a number of stories on leadership that spoke volumes to me.

There was one story that has been playing over and over in my mind for the past two weeks. Jocko said this: "More than anything else in the world, I cared about them. I cared about their guys, I cared about them bringing their guys back home." He then went on to explain how every interaction he has with someone should impact the relationship positively, not negatively and the purpose of the interaction is to build and strengthen the relationship. Lastly, that people know when you care more about yourself than you do them.

I have stopped and thought about myself as a leader and coach. Specifically, I came to the conclusion that I have been a selfish leader and it is clear to me now that I have cared more about myself than those I am supposed to be serving. Let me explain.

I am a graduate assistant for a college program and I accepted the position knowing that I wasn't completely done pursuing my dream as a professional soccer player. The coaches at the school knew this as well and were okay with knowing I could be coming and going from the school during my two years getting my MA in Leadership. For a long time I held off accepting any coaching positions because I knew myself- I knew that mentally, physically, emotionally I wouldn't be able to give 100% of myself to both coaching and playing. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate giving less than my best, over-the-top effort. But as I got older, I felt that this was an opportunity that I was ready for and I wanted to get my feet wet as a coach. When I accepted this position, I was also coming off a very difficult year from a traumatic event and so mentally I was still slightly unsure of taking an opportunity far away from home in the middle of no where. But, I did. The first semester was very challenging for me for a number of reasons. And so when it came time for winter break, as luck would have it, I was sent to a tournament close to my hometown. My head coach and I talked about this, but we decided financially it made more sense for me to stay back home rather than come back for the two weeks before the end of the semester and then go back home for my break.

With Jocko's story in mind and looking back over these past two months in addition to my first season with the team, I know that I have made some mistakes. I should have purchased another plane ticket out of my own pocket and returned after the tournament to be available on campus for the team. It isn't about whether they needed me there or not, it's about showing up.

When I return next week, I want to show up for my team. I want to make a more intentional effort to impact their lives because I want each and every one of them to know I care about them as people first and foremost, and then as athletes. Yes, I am contracted for two years, but that time stamp is no excuse for me to not give 100% of myself. I used to think that because I am there for such a short amount of time that I couldn't possibly make a difference. What I now believe is that this just is not true. Two years, one year, one week, one day, or one interaction, I have the ability to impact others and it is my duty to take that seriously.